Although I had been married once before in 1976 to Philip, I don’t count it as a ‘real’ wedding. I met Philip in 1971 on the first day at Polytechnic. I didn’t really make decisions in those days, life just happened. We got together from that first meeting and lived together for 5 years before I could tell my mother. Coming from a traditional Jewish family it was probably the worst thing I could do, to marry a non-Jewish man. So, I hid him for all that time, though weirdly as I think now, my father knew and kept it from my mother. We got married as soon as I told my mother, who didn’t drop dead at the news, and that is what she said I should do. She even made my wedding dress. She was a professional dressmaker.

Some years later, 1992, my father sadly died and I was coming up to my 40th birthday. I had just been to a close friend’s Jewish orthodox wedding. Although I wasn’t religious, I loved the joy and the ceremony and how friends and family came together to launch the couple into the next bit of their life. I decided that that was what I wanted for my 40th birthday. I was single at the time, but I wanted to be launched into the next bit of my life. So, with friends I organised the event where I was going to get married to myself. It was wonderful. It was on a farm in Todmorden, and the barn was decorated and the brides chair made ready. I got dressed in all my finery and led to the wedding room. A friend created the ritual where each person came up and gave me a picture of me at different stages of my life from a baby onwards. They each lit a candle from my candle and gave me an appreciation of me. Then I broke the wine glass, as traditional in a Jewish wedding, a Klemer band (Europeon Jewish music) struck up and the party began. There was dancing, fire jugglers, joy and laughter. I have a wonderful photo of my mother throwing confetti over me. I’m sure she was bemused but had long given up expecting me to have a normal life.

My second proper wedding happened in 2003. A full-blown Jewish wedding. I had met Len 3 years earlier. His first wife had died tragically earlier in the year. It was a tragedy. They had been together for 38 years. He was just coming out into the world again and I was asked if I would be someone who he could go to the theatre with, or walking. It was definitely not match making. I was single at the time and had been for about 13 years. My life was good, I enjoyed my job. I lived next door to my best friend. I was coming up 50 and my main thought was “Life is good and I need to work out how to get older with my friends.”. We met at a ceilidh and were introduced to each other. We talked and danced and danced and talked. The next day he sent a wonderful card asking to see me again. And the rest is history.

Just an addition. We had been going out for about a year when Len said “It’s funny I’m not frightened of you anymore”. So I thought how can I frighten him and said “Will you marry me?”

It took a while but a couple of years later that is what we did. I can say that I had already decided that this was a “forever” relationship. And now 23 years later it is still going strong and deepening every day.