So I’ve got this journal that helps your break it down into intentions, what am I grateful for and what am I proud of. Initially I was doing them in a bit of a lightweight way and it came to the bit about what I’m a proud of and I wasn’t really sure. But when I went away and I came back to the journal I saw it all in a different light. And I set my intentions, which are to remain upbeat and positive for the day and not to let anyone take my joy. So my intention in this journal from when I did it first is so much better. Where it says what are you grateful for, well I am grateful that I can experience love and I know what love feels like and I know what joy feels like.

Before when I woke up I would say yeah I am grateful but even in the tone I guess I wasn’t as grateful whereas when I think of joy and happiness it’s upbeat. So when I break it down into sections that’s when I get the actual feeling. I guess before I would say it but it was a little bit stuck. Saying it, but you’re not actually feeling it. From joy it gets to happy and then from happy and joy together it gets to love. Which is all interlinked.

So going away to Egypt and finding myself was the best thing I’ve done. It’s not that I didn’t know who I was before but this is like really finding me. So now I get a lot out of my time alone, like I crochet but when I’m crocheting at home I'm there alone with myself with my thoughts. And I enjoy every minute of it, I love it. What I can produce from it and I only started crochet thing in 2020 during lockdown. Although I had knitted for over 40 years.

So when you’re in the house alone it doesn’t mean that you have to be meditating or all that focussed but you’re just enjoying being in your own space. I always have gospel music playing in the background in the kitchen and that’s really upbeat. I do that in the car as well and that gives me what I need to take the next step to wherever it is that I’ve got to go into the unknown. Because really we’re always going into a situation that we know nothing about. So now I prepare myself for my day, whereas before I would go into it and think oh well what’s happened here? Where as now I prepare myself in the morning. Just on that positive vibe which I really put out there. And I remain there.

Now my son lives with me and occasionally he might try to burst that bubble. And I take a deep breath and I really get myself centred. Another change is now when I go out if a guy says Isola you look really nice I kind of think well I already know that and it’s like something’s changed and I don’t really need that validation from the outside, I feel good from the inside out.

And the photos the pictures that’s been the most powerful visual aid for me. And you might think well you must know you’ve lost weight well yes I do but that’s part of the process I’ve just never saw myself how I really look . That photo session well it was in the stars, it was out there and that was what I was meant to do.

When my friend saw the pictures they said are you going to do some modelling, you could be a model, and it’s just like a seed is being planted, a seed that was never there before. From this photo shoot there’s been quite a few little things that have been planted. And I’m just waiting for them to grow to see what comes of it. It’s just opened my eyes and it’s giving me the chance to look in a different direction, directions that I wouldn’t probably have ever thought of.

I went out with my friends for a meal and they were saying you look amazing and then one of them said but you’ve always looked amazing and actually I do take a lot of pride in how I look whatever size I’ve been. I have always worn nice clothes. It’s simple things like my friends will say where do you get your underwear from and I say Fit to Bust, a shop in Chapel Allerton and they say, but that’s too expensive I can’t afford that, but I say but who is it for? I buy it from there because the underwear is beautiful. And it’s for me, it’s not for anybody else. I believe that if you can’t buy something beautiful for yourself you’re putting yourself off. Choosing it for you not for anybody else. I think nothing is too expensive for me, you wouldn’t necessarily think about that being too much for somebody else. You have to put yourself first because if you don’t love yourself first you can’t love anybody else.

Recently I’ve been helping a lot of the elderly people in the community. I like to share information, e.g. my friend's Mother is riddled with arthritis and I told her about how to get a blue badge and she didn’t know anything about how to do that. Now she’s got a blue badge and she said it’s the best thing that’s happened to her. Her family are saying all this is great now we can park right outside the hospital and don’t have to worry about how we get Mum in.

Well I don’t know lots about benefits but I will say do you claim this or that. I don’t mind sharing - I know I used to work at the Reginald Centre in Chapeltown. And I’m happy to share. I work with a lady and I love it, it just doesn’t feel like work. I love her to bits and all the time spent with her well it’s wonderful and it's a blessing. I think it’s the perfect job and the family know I love her to bits and I’ll do anything for her. That’s just me .