I am deaf.

I was born in Madeira. That’s where my family come from. It’s beautiful there. All very green and craggy with high cliffs and pebbly beaches. I didn’t go to school until I was eight but lived with my grandparents high up in the hills free to roam as I pleased.

I already had hearing difficulties as a child but nobody realised. As I got older my hearing gradually got worse but because people saw me as a bit of a dreamer, I wasn’t given any extra support.

When I was sixteen I came to England to work for some friends of my parents. It was meant to be only for two years but I must have liked it here in Yorkshire because I stayed. Over time, I gradually became more and more aware of my hearing difficulty until it got so bad that, when I was about 35, the hospital where I was working sent me for a complicated operation to try and improve it. It’s better than it was but… I still have severe hearing loss and it’s getting worse as I age.

Recently my friend, Carole, one of the front of house people at the Leeds Playhouse where I now work, was doing a Stage Management Course at Huddersfield University. As part of her course she was given a placement at the Huddersfield Deaf Centre. She asked me if I’d like to come to the Centre with her to practise sign language.

Years ago I did a level one British Sign Language course but because I haven’t had the opportunity to use it much, I’ve forgotten a lot of it. I jumped at the chance to use it again and so the following Wednesday… I picked Carole up in my car and we drove to the Huddersfield Deaf Centre. I felt a bit nervous as we arrived at the Centre. I didn’t know what to expect. Carole opened the door and… in we went.

Hands everywhere! It was just chaos! And the noise! I had to stand still for a minute before I could take it all in. Everything so different from my normal. Everybody waving their hands, everybody talking with their hands. …And strange voice sounds. So noisy! They waved me up to the bar, signalling and signing that, if I hadn’t got money, no need to worry… Not a problem.

And there we were. Carole busy signing… Me watching…

During the afternoon they showed a film made by some of the members. Carole whispered to me ‘behind her hand’, “A bit oversimplified, isn’t it?” And we both giggled…

I came home excited and confused. Why had I laughed? People at the Deaf Centre are deaf and so, of course, the film needed to present things clearly. I shouldn’t have laughed.

The afternoon also left me excited, happy somehow… The warm welcome we’d been given by everyone at the Centre had made me feel included, connected. I could communicate better using both spoken English and BSL. I was accepted at the Centre in a way that doesn’t quite happen in the hearing world…

The Centre has shown me a world where suddenly, I can be me. I don’t have to apologise for myself.

I don’t have to feel lonely any more.