Partial Liberation Day. “Garden centres re-open today. You are now allowed to drive somewhere in your car for exercise.” I feel like I’m entering a new phase of life under lockdown. Visiting a garden centre was my last trip out, the day before we were asked to stay at home and save lives. I still had plans and a long shopping list, when the stay at home order changed all our lives forever. Now, the latest slogan from the government encourages us not to stay at home, but rather to stay alert to save lives. It’s all in the R numbers apparently. It’s very confusing. People want to know who they can hug and when. On the early news I see images of people outside garden centres, who have been queuing since eight in the morning to get in. I decide my need for a more colourful life can easily wait another day or two. I think I’ve learnt to be more accepting of setbacks these days. Maybe the meditation is working. I realise I’m quite content just pottering about the house and garden. Am I becoming a happy recluse? Am I becoming a bit afraid of Life Outside?

I hear a disembodied voice from over the hedge . A man speaking very loudly on his mobile. “ No, I’m not going out. No. No, I don’t want to get infected. I don’t want your Filey, your Bridlington, your Whitby.” He pauses. “Besides, all the cafes are shut “. As I hear the names of some of my favourite places being so vehemently crossed off this man’s travel list, my mind is filled with their images. I am seized with a great longing to see the sea again.

But I am overcome with all the new dilemmas this now poses. How far is too far to drive? How close can you infringe on someone else’s community, without stoking resentment, and possibly anger ? Where does my bit end and your bit start? What have we come to? I need to find a view of the sea, well away from any village. We once found such a spot, when returning from a fraught family crisis in Saltburn. Standing there then, brought a sense of peace and acceptance. It would be good to re-visit those emotions. I locate the trusty old AA road map and instantly find what I’m looking for. I put the map to one side. When the time’s right, I’m ready to go.